Hummmmmmmm! (Strokes whiskery chin to indicate deep and meaningful thought).
Damn! I've lost my tweezers...........

First we had the personal computer not to be confused with pc (politically correct)

Then we had t'internet (all thanks to Peter Kay and has holiday booking shenanigans on teletext)

Next up Broadband. Hey-ell yes. You could download an image faster than flushing your illegal stash down the bog or deleting your feeble attempts of posting on blog

And now I'm right there. Wi-fi? Say what? Wireless connection.
Except the bloody thing has caused more problems and caused more crashes/breakdowns than a bank holiday weekend on a Friday afternoon on the M25/M4/M6/M55 delete which is inapplicable according to your geographical location.

Wireless why is it called thus? As I gaze down around my birkenstocks (sans socks) there are seductive coils in silver, black, white and grey. There are indeed more wires writhing around my carpet than platformed lap-dancers writhing around those fireman's poles. (Erm so I'm led to believe) It's not even that entertaining. The wireless connection is beyond the wit of man in our house and has caused great friction. Remember the good old days of carpet burns?

I don't need it. So I'm alright Jack. Yes there are modems and jacks but if I speak to another network provider based in Mumbai I will suggest that he/she concentrates on the perfect ingredients for madras curry.

There I've done it! Not only do I NOT have a personal computer (PC) working efficiently. I'm no longer politically correct (PC)

If there is one thing I enjoy these days it's a little known programme on Channel 5 every Wednesday at 10.30pm called "Respectable".

It's about a turgid but kind man called Michael. He's dull. His wife looks like an afghan hound with the verbal put-downs of a lucky strike! So he falls in love with Hayley. A thicker-than-a-whale-omelette prostitute and that's where the cliches end.

I humbly urge anybody who enjoys orignal, humourous writing to watch this programme. It's only half an hour but that's a shame.

The script is slick and clever.

Special mention goes to Maureen. The raddled old bag loosely based on Madame Cyn who runs the whore house.

"Maureen began her career bent over bins in a back alley 15 times a night; she’s built her empire from there and is dead proud of it. The brothel’s matriarch always has a crude motto to hand: “Wank it then bank it,” and “No cash, no gash” being a couple of her favourites. She’s seen and heard it all and she prides herself on being a more demanding physical experience as she approaches her twilight years (and swears she’s 27). Age certainly doesn’t hold her back, anyway; as regular Barry glowingly surmises, “On the outside, Walsall world of leather. On the inside – woo! Chessington world of adventures!"

Her dialogue is to die-for.

And..... "Barry
This potty-mouthed and incidentally well-meaning Brummie, is the source of most of Debonnaire’s income. He pops in on Tuesday afternoons, Wednesday nights…Monday nights and... well, every night. He sees himself as something of a whore-whisperer; he’s done the whole pornucopia (his word) of sexual positions, including the Fellowship of the Ring. Barry’s delighted to have found a friend who shares his interests and has all sorts of helpful hints for Michael, but he breaks his buddy’s heart when he divulges that he’s had bottom sex with Hayley. There’s always a party in Barry’s pants....."

I'm sticking my neck out with this one and it's already got one dodgy disc.

Not having blogged for a considerable length of time..........

Too busy (or perhaps too old to sit in the bloody-bollocky-bastarding pc chair). It's my slipped disc. Well it fell out of the CD case when I ran for the bus. Thank the lord it was only that mediocre shite that came free with the Snail on Glumday. Well I bought it for me Mam. That's my story and I'm sticking to it.

I stumbled quite literally upon this

THE SENILITY PRAYER

Grant me the senility to forget the people I never liked
The good fortune to run into the ones I do,
And the eyesight to tell the difference

Amen