................will be the news if Chelsea win the final on Wednesday 21st of May. I'm in a quandry since my beloved Liverpool were just pipped by the moving goal-posts. Therefore I will be forced to support Man United. This is a hard cross for me to bear but we all have to make sacrifices in these credit cack-handed times. Sir Alex is an inspiration to me as he seems capable of chewing gum and pointing (simultaneously) at Siralan and mouthing you're fired! (With an abundance of "sir" titles today I wonder if it's worth buying one from e-bay. Perhaps the Sundry Rich List Times may have an advice column on it).

Oh yes back to the football. My strongheld beliefs are purely altruistic. It is quite possible that Chelsea could clutter the streets in a vulgar double-decker, spraying shampoo all over the West End like a tom cat marking its territory. And as this is likely to occur on Thursday they will simply clog the transport arteries within the aleady chaotic North Circular. Furthermore (psyching myself into letter complaintus modus already) as somebody attending the Wembley Arena to see "Le Plant", Robert, not Linda, I may be compelled to write a stiffy to Bo-Jo.

Of course Chelsea have to win first but they might just cheat!