wordworld

What on earth is that shite?

That BMW presumptively post strangers' gobs around blogs is a "fucking liberty" (a la Catherine Tate's foul-mouthed gran).

It looks like a happy scrap book. And since I gave up pasting into a scrap book before I was 11 years old I'm not happy. Does driving a BMW make the sunshine and instantaneously give you a large brood of extended family members? If that's the message they subliminally wish to convey, believe me, those pop-up, nuisance, family members will all be begging lifts from a car that can never be serviced efficiently because the manufacturers don't understand it.

"Joy is not BMW" believe me.

"Happiness is a warm gun!"

Urban word of the day is: Bangover! Not to be confused with hangover.

Apparently this is used to describe a sore neck as a result of headbanging at a heavy metal concert. Well I'm sorry but this cannot be true.

Surely it's a direct consequence of a head banging against a headboard during drunken copulation.

Alternatively a gang-bang sleep over?

Isn't it?

The last week has been dominated by a racist slur made by somebody called Tony Beck aka Anton du Beke - a mincing chav from Orpington apparently. Then, just when we hoped it would rumba off the dance floor with two left feet, Bruce Force-shite added to the off-colour jibe. His desultory comments kept it "staying alive".

A racist slur is news but, further down the pecking order Bekey or should that be Beaky? And Bruce? Go and play some golf with Tarby or Joan! And never wear a pvc, padded, sleeveless waistcoat in my presence, on my TV ever again.

Meantime the rest of the nation was getting the lowdown on Samantha's M&S frock at the Manchester Tory party conference. No, not that fuck-me Samantha from Sex and the City but Dave's other half.

So what has happened to Sharon Suicidal Shoesmith? Clearly her resolve failed her there as she presses her case AGAIN for unfair dismissal. Sharon love, your salary at Harringey Council as head of Children's Services should automatically put you in the firing line when things go so tragically and drastically wrong for a vulnerable child. It's called accountability.

And Gary Makinnon in the news this week? I fail to see how he can be extradited when we could never extradite IRA terrorists from America.

But Anton du Beke is still dancing and Brucie is still telling us he's dancing....so I'll sleep easy tonight.

Because............

It's Saturday, Just.

I need to kick back and ..................I'm trying to browbeat somebody tuneless into...

Satan's seventh bride

Has somebody you really detest ever given you a cold?

Not the cold shoulder.

The coughing and sneezing variety that makes your nose run, your eyes water and your throat hot and irritable and forever throat-rumble-clearing

I never get colds. Because I very rarely mix with humanoids. Are friends electric? Well you'd better ask Gary Numan.

But I have one now and I would really like to punch in the face the person responsible for this snot fest. He is an arrogant bastard. He lives abroad and drives a porsche with an electric sunroof. That fact that his porsche has an electric sunroof is enough reason to want to punch his face in. That and the fact that he talks like Marcel Wave and not in a clever Kenny Everett way either. I mean he really talks like Marcel Wave. The sort that would own and wear le smoking jacket and not ironically, whilst constantly waving an empty cigarette holder. Underlining vacuous comments in quilted, maroon velvet. Does it sound like anybody you know?

If so, don't admit to it. I'm saying nothing...................for now!